Male Guide to Female Communication: High School Style

Female: The better half of males everywhere. The "F" and "E" on the beginning stands for "Freakin' Excellent," which makes them freakin' excellent versions of males. Also known to be the communicator, under stander, and tolerate of all beings.

I was recently confronted by a boy in the hallway who clearly thought he had it all in his head. His witty pick-up lines made me gag a little though and his "trying to be sentimental" tone made my head hurt. It left me with a smile, little chuckle, and the result of my walking away in embarrassment for him. No offense of any to the wonderful male species, but you really got to step up your game. Even if it isn't pick-up lines you're trying to work on. How about working on a basic conversation in general?

Step 1 to talking with a teenage girl: Introduce yourself! Hello! Don't assume that we already know who you are, because I promise you're probably not that cool. You don't have to walk up to us in a "swaggy" manner; it doesn't make you cooler... Actually, it makes you weirder. Another helpful thing to remember when introducing yourself, we don't like your "home boy" handshakes. C'mon guys, a simple wave or smile works just fine. What else is nice for you guys to do is don't bring your entire squad with you...

Step 1 1/2 to talking with a teenage girl: No gifts are necessary, but aren't discouraged. Just kidding, we love gifts. If you're really looking to get your girl something, flower, food, body wash, or food is nice. Even if you're doing this last minute, buying chips or a cookie from your lunch line will be ok. But seriously, we don't want your half eaten ham sandwiches or already opened bag of goldfish. Gifts aren't a priority, but they may be later.

Step 2 to talking with a teenage girl: Hopefully you sorta have a game plan which includes being yourself. Girls don't want you to overdo it. And by that, we mean don't lie and don't stretch to truth. We don't care if your third cousin is Taylor Swift or if your Dad works with a big record label. We want to have a meaningful conversation with you. Make us laugh until our stomachs hurt or if being a funny person isn't you, then make us think so deeply to out next response in the conversation that we get lost. Conversation is great, and every guy knows that girls don't shut up. Here is a stereotypical statement, but it's true; girls love to talk about themselves, so ask us. But be aware, don't pick such personal topics; good topics don't have to be boring or super personal. We'll tell you our favorite color, book, boy band, or even movie. Don't be too fake to get enlightened with your hopeful girl. Even if you're not a fan of what she's saying, act like you genially care because she may not be a fan of what you're saying either.

Step 3 to talking to a teenage girl: I don't know if I, or any girl in fact, can stress this enough, but don't be rude, even if you're kidding. It's best not to tease us about things that we may take seriously, an example being weight, intelligence, and looks. If you somehow end up deeply offending us, then that's a hard hole to dig out of... However, it is ok to tease us back if we are teasing you. Watch our signs and listen to our language. Maybe we're the poke-fun type just like you. A major tip to remember is don't talk about other girls in front of us, it lowers our self- esteem and expectations of you.

Step 4 to talking to a teenage girl: (Don't worry, it's the last step) Stay positive. Girls like hanging out with boys that make them forget to check the time. Also, we like being around people that make us feel positive and put us in happy moods. If you're angry or grumpy, then it's probably not the best day to talk to her. Until you get to know her more, talk about the remembered experiences you've had that will keep her engaged. Replace negative comments with turnaround statements, a.k.a adding a comment on a high light of your day or past event. If we ask you about something that you don't necessarily like, make your answer short, not harsh, and leading to a new topic.

I promise that you, male species, will get the hang of talking to us freakin' excellent versions of you. Deep down inside, we want to talk to you too. And to create a great ending to the already fantastic conversation you will have, talk about the next time you will get to talk again. We like knowing that you're interested.